So yesterday I was whiny. Please let me note that I am aware that I "just" have a new scar. My cancer is not back, it has not spread. Once again, I was able to "just cut it out" and no more atypical cells are in my body. I am still 5 years NED. I should be thankful.
8 1/2 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She defied all odds, first infertility, then loss, then giving up, and finally being born with the cord around her neck and in a knot. She is a perfect, smart, funny little girl. She is a blessing on all levels. So after she was born, I went into a depression. I couldn't understand it. Here I was, with my beautiful second child, my family complete. Why was I in such a funk? Nobody could see it, it was just there, and I couldn't explain the weighty fog I felt I was in. Well, it turned out that another gift the pregnancy gave me was a thyroid imbalance. A few days on medication and I felt like a new person again.
I think any sort of health problem, visible or not, has an emotional toll. Some of the less visible or stereotypical problems, people just cant or don't want to understand. That can make you feel misunderstood or lonely. I have felt both of those in the past month.
So God has blessed me, my cancer was found early. It did not spread. I am now 5 years NED. I need to stop focusing on those who misunderstand or criticize. I have found a wonderful community in those who do. I am so thankful for them. No matter what stage, we are all welcome, known, loved and cared for.
I'm not going to quit sharing. I cant. I believe that my melanoma was found early, so that I can share. I will work on how personally I take the dismissive responses of others. It isn't a reflection of me. It is a reflection of them.
I have seen someone who in the presence of 3 melanoma warriors, and another who has had one of the carcinomas removed and had to rebuild her nose, gets blistered red, and snaps at people when they comment about her needing to be careful, stating she will be tan tomorrow. She likes the provoking feelings she creates, not just in this, but in all aspects of life.
I have seen tan people listen, ask questions, say they didn't realize, they will think about it. The seed is planted, now it just needs the right nurturing.
As warriors, we need to focus on the nurturing, eventually the others will come around. Just pray that they get it before they get it.
I will work on this.